I know it isn't just the pain that gets us. It's the nausea, sensory attacks and your body feeling like you have a cold, stomach flu and a hang over all at once, too. But, the pain is strong and aggressive. For me, even just feeling the pain coming on is painful. So, how do we do it? How do we know when to move and when to lay down. When to talk and when to sit in silence. I believe that trying to figure these things out is just as traumatic as the experience of pain and illness itself.
For example, today I had a really sore neck from some over activity. I felt it starting last night. This morning my neck felt tighter and tighter. Then, the muscle spasms set in. Well, this is going in only one direction, I thought. Not to mention the impending rain storms headed our way. So, I took my imitrex, a hot shower (while my three and a half year old played in the tub next to me) and laid down. The little guy was all set up with some milk and cartoons in the room right next to me. Yes, I can rest while the imitrex starts to work. I felt pretty peaceful, as much as one could with their skull in a charlie horse, and all of a sudden, I shot my eyes open and sat straight up. It's too quiet! I contemplated for a minute or two, do I get up and check and risk my peacefulness because it would be all gone as soon as he saw me or do I wait it out. Of course, the mom in me got up and checked. Sure enough he was absolutely fine. Just sitting there watching TV. 'Hi Mom' he says.
Isn't it amazing how complicated it all is. It isn't just take a pill and rest. It isn't just eat this or do that. There are so many factors that go into our dealing with this misery on a daily basis. Doctors even believe that the building up period, prodrone, can last up to 36 hours prior and the let down, postdrone, even more. Us who suffer daily, weekly can be in this constant cycle of trauma in our bodies. And this reeks havoc on our minds as well. My peaceful rest was totally over run by my mom instincts to check on my child. It is really hard to find relief when you are constantly disrupted.
I find myself having more and more anxieties or realizing ones that I had no clue were there. Some common ones we encounter are the danger that comes with large outings or gatherings. These can be a huge assault on our eyes, ears, stomachs, schedules. Almost always resulting in a migraine for me. Running errands with the kids. Getting the little one in and out of the car. The big kids fighting. The little one crying. Are again all assaults on the nervous system that can bring on a migraine.
So, the question is, How do we navigate through it? What is worth dragging yourself out of your safe place? What is it that can make us wince through the pain in order to complete a task or not miss out on an experience? This is hard stuff to wade through everyday. It is anxiety producing. I don't quite know how I do it. And believe me, there are times when I just can't do it. I am always on some point of the spectrum of illness. This makes life difficult.